By Dean Maddox, Public Safety & Bullshit Detector

Well, Sacramento finally did it. City Council passed a law letting folks get high in “cannabis cafes.” Smoke shops with couches, I guess. Mayor McCarty broke the tie, probably while holding a lavender latte and pretending this isn’t a town still trying to fix its streets.

Now listen — I’m not new to smoking. I light Marlboros like they’re birthday candles, and I’ve written more than once how all these so-called health freaks try to shame a guy like me for enjoying a cigarette with his coffee.

But here’s what burns hotter than the cherry on a Reds 100:
The same clowns that banned cigarettes on patios, parks, beaches, and probably in our dreams — those exact same people are now bending over backward to open up joints where you can literally sit around and smoke a joint indoors.
Make it make sense.

Cigarettes Bad, Weed Good — Liberal Logic in Action

You ever notice how these city types go to war with nicotine?
Tax the hell out of it. Ban it near playgrounds, fountains, duck ponds — hell, they probably want a six-foot buffer around pigeons too.

But weed?
“Oh yes, please, smoke it indoors! We’ll even let you renovate that empty storefront and turn it into a ‘chill lounge space’ with mood lighting and curated Spotify playlists.”

A lady named Maisha Bahiti said she’s been waiting years to open a weed lounge in Midtown — said there are too many renters nearby who “can’t consume in their homes.” So I guess the solution is to light up next door instead. Nothing says progress like more Uber drivers who forgot where they were going halfway there.

Weed Tourism & The Great Stoner Economy

Councilmember Phil Pluckebaum says this will bring in “tourism.”
Sure, maybe if your idea of a vacation is coughing into a vape cloud while trying to remember your Uber password.

If weed cafés are your plan to fix the budget, you might need to put the bong down, chief.

The Youth? Ah, They’ll Be Fine.

One brave kid, Aaron Cordoza, got up and said what half the grownups in this city are too scared to:
“We are trying to get more programs in the neighborhood, not cannabis clubs. It will be affecting our youth.”

But don’t worry, Aaron. I’m sure the city’s got it covered — maybe a “Cannabis & Careers” outreach booth next to the school fair.

Final Drag

Look, I’m not saying you can’t smoke weed. Hell, I’ve done it. I just don’t pretend it’s some magical herb from heaven. What pisses me off is the hypocrisy.

Cigarettes bad.
Weed good.
Smokers evil.
Stoners enlightened.

It’s the kind of half-baked logic only a city council could cook up — and buddy, it’s burning my last nerve.

I’ll keep smoking my Marlboros in the alley like some outlaw, while they roll out green velvet ropes for the newest “mindful puff” experience down the street.

See you at the next zoning meeting. I’ll be the one outside — lighting up the wrong kind of smoke.