By Lena Vasquez, Community Features & Culture Editor

It was only a matter of time before liberals canceled wellness. According to a 24-year-old barre instructor and part-time political theorist waiting for a flight, Pilates isn’t just about strengthening your core anymore — it’s a gateway to authoritarianism.

In a viral Instagram video, MaryBeth Monaco-Vavrik (yes, that’s her real name) posed what she likely believed was a bold question: “Does anyone want me to explain the connection between the popularization of Pilates… and the rise of extreme American authoritarianism?”

This isn’t a satire. It’s the New York Times.

Ms. Monaco-Vavrik, who majored in political science and communications, explained her theory while lip-syncing to a song from Wicked, because nothing says serious intellectual discourse like Broadway show tunes and Instagram filters. She claims that Pilates culture is “whitewashed,” rooted in thinness and wealth, and dangerously aligned with the aesthetic values of fascism. Apparently, tight abs are now politically suspect.

She argues that exercises promoting “smallness, grace, and minimalism” are part of a larger trend pushing women toward docility — and, naturally, conservatism. In her words: “No one goes to Pilates thinking, ‘I’m going to be a fascist today,’” but maybe they should.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but: sometimes a lunge is just a lunge.

Her argument spread across TikTok and Instagram like overpriced oat milk foam. Some applauded her “bravery.” Others, especially the ones who enjoy Pilates without trying to overthrow democracy in the process, were understandably confused.

Let’s be honest: this isn’t really about Pilates. It’s about a generation of influencers and online activists who think political depth comes from stringing together buzzwords while sipping matcha. And it’s about liberal media outlets so desperate to be edgy that they’ll publish anything with the words “Trump” and “thin privilege” in the same sentence.

Pilates is not the problem. Thinking every cultural moment is a covert fascist signal? That might be.

If everything is political, then nothing is. And if your biggest concern is the political subtext of arm toning, congratulations: you live in a world so safe, so privileged, that you have to invent oppression just to feel like you’re doing something meaningful.

Meanwhile, the rest of us will keep working out, raising families, and trying to afford groceries. Without checking if our yoga mats are registered to vote.