By Dean Maddox, Public Safety & Crime Reporter

Oxford University has released a new “study” telling us we should eat 90% less meat to save the planet from climate change. 

The author of this research is a professor named Marco Springmann, who said to the Guardian in a shrill voice (or at least that’s how I imagine he talks): “It is pretty shocking. We are really risking the sustainability of the whole system.”

Well Professor Springmann, fuck you. I’m not doing that.

I’m gonna keep eating cheeseburgers, I’m gonna keep smoking Marlboros, and if you don’t like it you can kiss my “uneducated” working class ass.

It’s always the same crowd making these declarations. Folks who’ve never worked with their hands, never done a damn thing outside an air-conditioned office, never lived a day where a real meal keeps you going. People whose idea of struggle is when their espresso machine breaks.

They lecture the rest of us as though the steak on our plate is what’s destroying the world — not the private jets, data centers, or corporate conferences they fly to every weekend.

Beef isn’t some political statement. It’s culture. It’s family. It’s food security. It’s ranchers who’ve been stewards of their land for generations, managing it better than any distant academic committee ever will.

When elite institutions demand everyday Americans “cut meat by 90%,” they’re not just pushing dietary advice. They’re pushing control — and they’re aiming it squarely at people who don’t have a seat at their mahogany tables.

You want to change the world? Start with the billionaires and bureaucrats, not the folks grilling burgers after a long week of actual work.

Until then, I’ll keep enjoying my ribeye.

And I’m not losing a minute of sleep over what Oxford thinks about it.